Nobody has ever had an alcohol or other drug, “problem”
Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
A more accurate modern narrative should refer to a person having an alcohol or other drug SOLUTION. This will beg the question, a solution to what? It forces us to get to the causes and conditions quickly, like social determinants of health and trauma. When these are addressed over time, we will see a positive behavior change and a reduction in personal harm. Forced behavior change is only a bandaid that will not heal the pain, it only exposes it and makes life harder meaning soon one will need their painkillers again.
When a person is drinking chaotically, statistics don’t mean shit. Never quote them to a friend in distress.
A proper intervention is this:
- This is what I see with my own eyes…refer to actual events in the recent past.
- This is what I fear based on what I have seen…
- This is what I hope will be a possible resolution…
- So, I see you missing work, driving under the influence, losing the most important relationships in your life.
- I fear that things will get worse and you lose your job, get a DWI, get in a driving accident and hurt yourself and/or other people.
- What I hope is that you seek help by attending an outpatient center in the evening which allows you to keep your job. You could also utilize online treatment options.
This is not blaming, shaming, or judging. It’s YOUR experience, feelings, and hope. “I” statements not “you” statements. You never diagnose. You never use words like alcoholic and addict because they do not tell accurate stories about a person. Also, no one wants to be one so stop telling them that’s what they are. And you never lecture. Get in and get out. Keep it short and sweet and dispassionate. I suggest that you write everything down that you are going to say and then read it to the person.
CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) is an incredibly helpful evidence-based process, so read “Get Your Loved One Sober”. Also read, “Beyond Addiction, How Science & Kindness Help People Change”.
I’d also like to inform you that millions of people resolve a drinking solution without the help of treatment or mutual aid groups. Actually, the most likely outcome is a positive change, not doom and gloom like we are led to believe by the media and some of those who profit from treatment. A revolving door is good for business. Fear is a powerful motivator, but misinformation and disinformation cause increased suffering and even death.
Our role as those who are concerned is to get skilled at how to love someone who is in a lot of pain, and acting in ways that scare us. The more skilled we are the more likely we can cut short the unhealthy relationship people have with alcohol or other drugs. Follow the format I laid out above and you get to be that person who really helps create change.
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